i mean c’mon, you’re into science.
well for once i am stumped. for once i don’t know what to say. for once i don’t know how to be alluring and enticing and interesting and full of life and knowledge and vitality and confidence, false or not.
for the first time i find myself stumbling for something smart to say; for once i find myself staring at my hands wondering why something worthwhile won’t come out of my mouth. for once it’s hard to relate how i feel without feeling totally exposed and vulnerable and like a bumbling, incoherent idiot.
for once i feel totally and truly unattractive; like i don’t fulfill what you want; like i’m not and never will be good enough. like i’m just another girl; just another face; just another side character in the brilliance you’ve known your whole life.
i honestly want nothing more to do with you or anyone like you, because the sheer proximity of your candor makes my usual facade dissipate into a hazy cloud of disorientation. you unintentionally make me feel small and young and insignificant in a way i hate with ever fiber of my being but am simultaneously enthralled by.
someone like you could chew me up and spit me out.
sigh.
i’m not going to be the girl you capture.
but oh, how i wish i could be the kind of girl who could reel you in.
